"Gym tayo?"

I used to really, really hate going to the gym.

Honestly, main reason was I don't like other people to know my weight (noooh way!) or my BMI. Yeah, I'm just so embarrassed coz I know I'm freakin' faaaaat!!!

I got more convinced when a friend of mine started at Fitness First. She was telling us that during her first day at the gym, her weight, BMI, etc. were measured to see how much exercise she would need. Mind you, this friend is not fat, well maybe some fat here and there but she's not fat. Period. But guess what, to her horror (and mine too), they informed her that she was categorized as OBESE!! Sheesh!! So I told her, "If you're obese, what about me: SUPER OBESE???????" So I was convinced more than ever to never, never go to the gym.

I have always been sporty. I played a lot of volleyball in grade school, softball in high school and took some tennis lessons after college. I so love tennis but my tennis pro told me later on that I lack anticipation ("a prior action that takes into account or forestalls a later action" - Merriam-Webster Online). I guess all she just wanted to say was that I was slow. She always kept telling me that I should meet the ball and not wait for the ball to come to me before I hit it *grin*

When I started working, I joined the Tennis Club. But I had to consider a couple of things: (i) courts were not in the office compound (it's a good 5- to 10-minute drive from the office and that's depending on the traffic), and (ii) playing sked was Tuesdays and Thursdays after office plus weekends. If I wanted to be serious with Tennis (as in play regularly, e.g., Tuesdays and Thursdays), I have to have a car to use. Problem: I was not sure if I can always bring a car during Tennis days (our family cars are off Wednesdays and Thursdays). So I decided to just give up Tennis and I joined the Badminton Club instead.

This was before the big badminton boom in the country. I joined the beginners' clinic to learn the basics and even won the first tournament I joined (an in-house mixed doubles tourney). But playing days are only every Tuesdays and alternating Fridays, I felt I needed more activities. Have I mentioned that during my annual physical examination at our clinic, the doctor advised me to lose weight??? That's when I decided to join the Slimnastics Club for their lunch time aerobics.

After a year of doing badminton and aero, I lost about 15 lbs. Whew! Problem: I got alarmed because I felt I was losing a lot of weight in a short period of time. I then got sick (which required me to go under the knife). I don't think this was related to my losing weight, it was more of another reason which I cannot mention here. Sorry. For a few months, I had to stop playing badminton and attending aero classes. After the rest period, I had a hard time going back. It was an on-off on-off thing with badminton and aero from then on.

So what made me go to the gym?

Two years ago, my mom got sick. My brother and his wife were both out of the country that time and my sister just transferred to a new company. My mom was complaining of difficulty in sleeping the last few nights. At the insistence of my uncle (my mom's youngest sibling) who lives with us, we brought her to the ER to be checked.

While there, most of the time I was alone with my mom in the ER waiting for test results to come in. I thought that we would be sent home in no time. But that was not the case. From the ECG, the doctor explained to me that she had a heart attack 3 days ago and had to be transferred to the ICU. I was scared. I was so sad. I never thought that this could happen to her, not to my mom, please. Out of desperation, I texted all my friends about what happened and requested them to pray for her (Thanks, guys, from the bottom of my heart).

Because of complications due to diabetes (she got hers when she was pregnant with my younger sister), her heart and kidneys have been badly damaged. This made my heart bleed for her. I couldn't believe that any of this was happening.

For once, I missed my brother's presence. I didn't want all these responsibilities to fall on me. I didn't want to be told what was happening to my mom. I couldn't decide for the family. I felt so alone. I couldn't ask my sister to go on leave and be with us. We stayed in the hospital for 9 days. When she was discharged, she had to go through heart rehab and regular check up with her 3 doctors. But everything was not okay yet. For the first year, we were in and out of the hospital. In the next year, going to the hospital lessened, thanks to her doctors. All this time, I was worrying a lot for my mom. I was scared to lose her. I did not commit my weekends, I went home early. I wanted to be with her all the time. Most of the time I was feeling down. That's when my brother told me that I should take care of myself and not to worry all the time. And that hit me...I realized that by worrying so much, I was killing myself. I had to do something.

I told myself that I will play badminton regularly, and go back to doing aero. But I was getting bored with aero, I have to try something else. Hmmm why not go to the gym!????? My good friends, Marie and Bex, were into the idea. We even paid our dues all at the same time. I paid the annual membership and the quarterly dues for the whole year. That should convince me to use my membership to the fullest. Never mind that dreaded weight measure and the BMI *grin*.

I'm proud to say that I've been going regularly to the gym for the past 2 months, 2 to 3 times a week (and if I'm feeling hyper, I go even on Saturdays or Sundays even). I play badminton on Tuesdays, try to play volleyball on Thursdays (if the club remembers to include me in their emails. peace!). Bex once asked me, "Sino bang pinopormahan mo? You're probably doing this for somebody." I remember replying to her, "Wala. I enjoy going to the gym." But deep inside, I knew I was doing it for myself.

My Thoughts...

A "blog" (short for web log) is a user-generated website where entries are made in journal style and displayed in a reverse chronological order.Blogs provide commentary or news on a particular subject, such as food, politics, or local news; some function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, web pages, and other media related to its topic. (Thanks to wikipedia.org)

Hmmmm. So that's what it really means. I have been meaning to start my own blog a few months ago. But I'm just not sold yet to the fact that people who I don't know will be able to read about my life, my deepest secrets, my treasured moments. I'm not sure if it's different from doing a journal but I have been doing that since grade school, which contains my rants and raves of the day. In grade school it was just a notebook. In high school, I moved to doing my daily rants and raves on a planner from PLDT (from my mom's office). In college, I had my filo-fax which served as my planner and journal.

When I started working, I had a Palm M130 PDA. Problem started when I changed computers and all archived journals got lost =( ...I lost interest doing a daily journal. Imagine all the entries I've made over the years...

It's just this year, in February, that I started doing a journal again. Thanks to the planner I get for free every year, I felt that it should be put into good use.

As for this online journal, hopefully, I will be able to update it as often as possible.

So be patient as I carefully try to open up...